Bitter vs. Sweet

The opposite of bitter is sweet, kind, genial, or pleasant.  We have all met a bitter woman or man.  We do not even need to have a conversation with them; we can just look at their countenance and see bitterness written all over their faces.  There is no smile, no joy, and no happiness; and when we begin a conversation with them our suspicions are confirmed-they certainly ate their lemons this morning.

 

We all have circumstances in our lives that can cause bitterness, yet that bitterness regarding our circumstances is like a cancer that eats away at what is good in life.  When viewing life, a bitter person looks at every event or situation through the glasses of the bad event or events that caused the weed of bitterness to take root.  The yellow rose only has thorns, the affectionate dog is a slobber monster, or that special friend forgot our birthday.  Satan likes to help the seeds of bitterness to grow by continually reminding us about the difficult situations in our lives. He waters those seeds with constant torments of the injustices in life.

 

As a child of God, these things ought not to be.

 

Have you ever compared the life of Ruth with that of Naomi in the book of Ruth in the Old Testament?  Naomi and her husband Elimalech along with their two sons, Mahlon and Chilion left Bethlehem because of the famine in search of a place to find provisions.  They settled down in Moab, a pagan city.  After some time the two sons took wives from the Moabites-this was strictly forbidden by God in the laws of the Jews.  They were only to marry women of their nationality.  After some time, all three mend died and Naomi was left with her daughters-in-law, Ruth and Orpah.  After some urging Orpah returned to her family but Ruth vowed “where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge, your people my people, and your God my God, where you die I will die…” (Ruth 1:16, 17).

 

Ruth and Naomi returned to Bethlehem.  Upon their return, Naomi made this declaration: “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me.  I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty.  Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” (Ruth 1:20, 21).  I must admit if I was Ruth I would have said, “What about me?  I lost my husband too, and I left my home and my family to come with you and this is the thanks I get.  It’s all about you and your loss.”  However, this was not Ruth’s response.

 

Despite living with a bitter woman in a foreign land, Ruth chose to walk the higher road.  She was pleasant.  She proved to be a hard worker.  She was respectful and humble.  Ruth 3:11 says she was a worthy woman.  She was a woman that was “far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10).

 

In the book of Ruth, the contrast between a bitter woman and a noble woman is very obvious.  Not only is it obvious, it was rewarded.  Ruth was so noble, God chose her to be in the lineage of King David and our Savior, Jesus.  There could be no greater honor for Ruth than this, all because she chose to be a woman of godly character, a woman that was “far above rubies.”

 

KINDNESS

The quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate

 

 

Kindness comes in different packages.  Kindness is an unexpected note in the mail that encourages our hearts.  Kindness is a thoughtful gesture to an undeserved soul.  Kindness is a thoughtful gesture at an unexpected time.  Kindness is a knowing look from across the room.  Kindness is a tenderness during a difficult time.  Kindness is bearing another’s burden with them.  Kindness is empathy.  Kindness is looking for the needs in others and meeting those needs.  Kindness is love put into action.

 

In the midst of a difficult time, nothing is more meaningful than a kind word or thoughtful gesture that brings encouragement to the soul.  The Proverbs 31 woman is known for her kindness.  “She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.” (Proverbs 31:20).  This woman is looking for ways to help people.  Not only is it seen in her actions, it is also seen in her words.  “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” (Proverbs 31:26).  She is wise and uses this wisdom to teach others and encourage others with kindness.  Because of her wisdom, she knows what another needs to hear to be encouraged or what another needs to receive to be encouraged.  She is intuitive.  “Her husband is known in the gates…” (Proverbs 31:23).  If this Proverbs 31 lady was unkind with her actions and  harsh words came from her mouth, it would stain the reputation of her husband and he would not hold a position of honor among those at the gate.

 

The final compliment to the Proverbs 31 woman’s character is verse 28. “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”  How we are at home is a true indicator of who we really are.  Most of us are good at putting our masks on outside the four walls of our homes, but what goes on within is a test of true character.  The fact that her children and her husband blessed and praised her is a true indication that her kindness in word and deeds was not for show but was her genuine character.  Our true character shines through when no one is watching.

 

One of my favorite stories of kindness happened a few years ago.  A friend of mine lost her husband.  The loss of a loved one is always difficult during those first holidays.  Christmas was fast approaching and the loneliness of a Christmas without her spouse was going to be difficult.  One evening about 12 days before Christmas, some young men whom she did not know knocked on her door carrying gifts.  They came in and set down the gifts in her living and handed her an envelope and left.  The letter told her to open one gift each day for the next twelve days.  The gifts were not extravagant, but they were such an encouragement to her to know someone cared so much about her and her loneliness to provide a little light each day during the Christmas season.  She never did find out who gave the gifts, but that first Christmas without her husband was so much brighter because of someone’s kindness.

 

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he…” (Proverbs 23:7).  What is in our hearts comes out through our mouths and our lives.  We have a choice every day.  Will you be known for “the teaching of kindness on your tongue?” (Proverbs 31:26).

 

The Fruit Tells the Story

“Give her of the fruit of her hands,

And let her works praise her in the gates.”

Proverbs 31:31

The conclusion of this chapter and also the conclusion of Proverbs finds us reading Proverbs 31:31.  There is controversy among theologians as to the meaning behind Proverbs 31:10-31.  According to various theologians, this passage could be referring to wisdom which is referred to as a “she” in the book of Proverbs.  We can easily relate to this as a person of wisdom is a willing worker, cares for her family, cares for the poor, and has the “teaching of kindness on her mouth.”  (Proverbs 31:26).  However, if this were the meaning behind these verses, King Lemuel’s mother would have been more direct in her counsel letting him know that these are the characteristics of wisdom, since she was direct in her opening comments of Proverbs 31.  Others have said this is the make-up of many women and not just one women.

Why is it as Christians we try to put God and His commandments into a box?  Why do we seek to take the commandments of God and make them doable in our own strength?  Paul, through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit penned these words, “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (II Corinthians 12:10).  Why is it that Paul says “when he is weak then he is strong?”  We must look at Jeremiah to find the heart we must desire, “Thus says the Lord: Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth, For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.” (Jeremiah 9:23, 24).  Paul later elaborates on this in I Corinthians 1:27 “But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.”  In essence, living the Christian life in our own strength is not doable.

God wants us to be dependent on Him to accomplish great things, because then we have no other choice but to give Him the glory.  In our own strength, Proverbs 31 living is not doable, but with the strength, wisdom, and proper fear of the Lord living out these verse is not just probable but very much within our reach.

The last three verses of Proverbs 31 are spoken by the King about his wife, and he understands that without giving his wife some of the fruit from her hands she will become discouraged and want to give up on the daunting task before her.  She is still a woman with needs, both physical and emotional.  Though she does not seek a reward, praise, or compensation for all of her good deeds, her husband realizes that without some fruit and praise she will become weary.  He must do his part as a husband by encouraging her with his words, actions, and gifts so she continues to make such a valuable impact in her family and her community.

The praise she receives at the gates would not fall on her ears, as the “gates” were a place for the men to gather and discuss business matters or make judicial decisions.  As the wife fulfilled her responsibilities, the more praise and honor would fall on the husband’s ears and be bestowed on his character.  It would be the husband’s responsibility to relay this to his wife which would provide encouragement for her to keep leaning on God to fulfill all she was asked to accomplish.  “A word fitly spoken, is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” (Proverbs 25:11).  “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband.” (Proverbs 12:4).  No matter how our husbands treat us, we must strive to be the virtuous woman God asks us to be.  In the end, we alone will stand before God, and how we were treated is not what God will judge.  How we responded and what we did with what God gave us is how we will be judged.   My dear sisters, “Do not grow weary in well-doing for in due season, we will reap if we faint not.” (Galatians 6:9).

Questions:

1. Is it wrong to seek praise for the sake of praise or for the intention of building ourselves up?

2. Do we need encouragement?

3. One of my favorite things to make in the kitchen is fruit pies. If I made a pie and was not able to enjoy a piece of pie, I would not be as apt to make a pie in the future.  “Give her of the fruit of her hands.” (Proverbs 31:31).  God understands the needs of us as women and understands we need some of our fruit to enjoy in order to encourage us.  What fruit do you need to encourage you?

4. One of my New Year’s Resolutions this year is to notice things about people such as qualities or needs and send them a note encouraging them with what I have noticed. I try to notice the little things that may go unnoticed.  How would this be an encouragement to others if you did this?  How would it be an encouragement to you if you received this type of encouragement?

Grandma and Mom – Two Women who Fear the Lord

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

Proverbs 31:30

If we take a minute or two and watch commercials on TV, we see how enamored our society is with charm and beauty.  The men and women portrayed in commercials and on most regular TV programs have been touched up and wear the perfect clothes, have perfect hair, and wear the perfect make-up.  Yet who decided what was perfect?  Where did we get this ideal?

Men and women looking for spouses have fallen for the same trap of looking for charm and beauty.  Too often we set ourselves up for defeat, looking for Prince Charming or waiting for a prince to invite us to the ball.  We sit at home pining for a prince, hoping for the magical invitation, and the magical dance only to be filled with disappointment when none of this occurs.

Rather than looking, we should focus on being.  If a man looks for a woman that is only charming and beautiful, but does not take the time to really evaluate her character, the charm and beauty becomes an illusion when the reality of life hits the newlyweds square in the face.   When the woman has won her man, she no longer has to be charming and her true character is revealed.  Instead of a charming woman with an attitude of graciousness, the mask of deceit is removed and the true woman is revealed.  Her charm was a facade that was only used to win the heart of her husband.  Her true character is revealed when the laundry needs done, meals need to be made, or children need to be cared for.  When old age hits and that beautiful and voluptuous body the man was drawn to becomes saggy and wrinkly, will he beat a hasty retreat because that is not what he signed up for?  Or will they spend thousands on cosmetic surgery so she can keep her girlish figure and looks even at the age of sixty?

So if a man is not to be wooed by a woman’s charm and beauty, what should he be looking for? A woman who fears the Lord.  This woman may be attractive, gracious, and charming; but at the root of her character is the fear of the Lord.”  What does this look like?

1. What does she talk about? Superficial things that have no value tomorrow.  Or the things of the Lord-what she learned in her devotions or what God is teaching her?
2. What does she do? Is she looking to be entertained or does she look for opportunities of service?  Is she lazing about or serving her family and “reaching her hands to the poor?” Proverbs 31:20).
3. Who or what does she care about? This is seen by her actions.  Is she a drama queen looking for attention for herself or is she “opening her hands to the poor?” (Proverbs 31:20).  Is she known for her compassion for others or is she looking for ways to take advantage of someone or of a situation?  What are her true motives?

Solomon in his musings in the twelve chapters of Ecclesiastes finally came to the conclusion that “The end of the matter; all has been heard.  Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.  For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing whether good or evil.” (Ecclesiastes 12:13, 14).  Where is our search in becoming the virtuous woman?  Are we seeking to “fear God and keep His commandments” or are we seeking to fulfill our own selfish desires through our charm and beauty?  In the end “every secret thing God will judge.”  (Ecclesiastes 12:14).  “A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30).

Questions:

1. There is a lot of discussion about our outward appearances. God made women beautiful and appealing to men.  However, He wants us to remember that our true character does not fade.  How does I Timothy 2:9, 10 relate to this concept?

2. Read Psalm 115:13. What is the promise?

3. Read Proverbs 2:5. What will you gain?

4. Read Ecclesiastes 12:13. What is our duty?

5. Are there any other verses you can think of that relate to the “fear of the Lord?”

6. What does “the fear of the Lord” mean to you?

7. How do we acquire “the fear of the Lord?”

8. Read Daniel 6. What was the most important thing to Daniel?  Can the same be said about you?

Excellence!

“Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.”

Proverbs 31:29

Growing up in a competitive family, I still want to be first.  It does not matter what the contest is, I want to win.  Unfortunately, now that I am getting older there are things in life that the young whippersnappers do better than I.  My daughters like to play a game called Brain Wars, and they do better than I do on many of the games.  My memory and my speed is just not what it once was.  It is frustrating to get old sometimes.  No matter how many times they beat me, I am still hopeful when I play the game the next time that I am going to beat them. Optimistic, I guess.

The virtuous woman does not try to be the first or the best virtuous woman.  She just is.  She does not focus on winning the prize for “Most Virtuous Woman” rather she focuses on being a virtuous woman and the first prize is awarded due to her focus on the right things.

This verse is the only one written in the second person, “You surpass them all.”  This is the virtuous woman’s husband speaking her praises.  King Lemuel’s mother taught him the things he needed or did not need as a King.

The first nine verses focus on:

• Women can destroy a man/king
• Alcohol causes men/kings to make poor choices
• Pay attention and care for the poor, needy, and destitute
• Judge righteously

Following these first nine verses in Proverbs 31 are verses 10-31 which focus on the virtuous woman and give King Lemuel more specific detail on the woman that will not destroy him, but rather will help him be the best king he can be.

If we try to think of examples of virtuous women, I am sure at least one woman comes to mind.  The only woman in the Bible to be called a virtuous woman is Ruth, and she was not even an Israelite. “And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requires for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.” (Ruth 3:11).  Not only did Boaz tell Ruth that she was a virtuous woman, but also all the townspeople knew as well.  Ruth did not leave her homeland and her family hoping to be a virtuous woman.  She left her homeland and family and followed Naomi because she was a virtuous woman.  She did not gather grain in the field for Naomi and herself because she was hoping to be a virtuous woman, rather she helped take care of her mother-in-law because she was a virtuous woman.  Being virtuous is not something we can put on like a sweater.  It is something that comes from within, it pours out through our lives to the individuals we rub shoulders with, laugh with, cry with, and live life with.  If Ruth had not been virtuous, she would not have attracted Boaz and lived a biblical fairy tale.  If Ruth’s character had been something she put on like a sweater, Boaz would have seen right through it and though he may have made sure she had grain to eat, he would not have wanted to make her a part of his family, part of the Israelite family, and part of the lineage of Christ.

It is not the striving to win the race that makes a virtuous woman who she is.  It is a striving to be the Biblical woman God has called us to be.  The word virtuous, chayil, not only means virtuous in its original Hebrew context, but also it means wealth, army, host, and men of valor.  A virtuous woman is like an army of men or a man of valor.  This should not be overwhelming if we are focused on being who God wants us to be rather than putting our character on as an external garment.  We will be the best, but the being the best does not matter to the virtuous woman.  Properly caring for her home, husband, and family makes her the best.  We may never win the prize “Most Virtuous Woman.”  Although some day when we stand before God, if we made every effort from our hearts to be virtuous, God will see this and reward us with a far greater prize than we would have ever received on earth.  We will be rewarded with a crown to lay at His feet.

Questions:

1. Read Ruth 2:1 and Ruth 3:11 and find the descriptive word concerning Boaz and Ruth that is the same.

2. It is amazing to me that this couple is described in the same way. List some things from both Boaz’s and Ruth’s lives that made them virtuous.

3. In the list that you wrote down regarding Ruth and Boaz, what qualities do you have? What qualities are you lacking?

4. Why are the traits listed above from Proverbs 31:1-9 important for a King to possess?

5. Are these qualities that are listed for the king, qualities that the virtuous woman should possess?

6. What amazes you about the definition of virtuous?

Are you Shining?

“Her children rise up and call her blessed;

Her husband also, and he praises her.”

Proverbs 31:28

St. Augustine’s mom, Monica, did much behind the scenes to help her son to become an icon in church history.  Monica grew up in a Christian home, but her parents arranged her marriage with an unbeliever, Patricius.  Patricius was not only an unbeliever, but also did not believe in the high values of marriage and family.  He had a violent temper and was unfaithful to Monica.  Monica spent many hours in prayer for her family, her three children and her husband.  Many sources say that this annoyed Patricius, but at the same time he also held her in high regard.

Although Monica spent countless hours in prayer for her children, Augustine did not initially follow the path that his mother prayed he would follow.  She did not give up or “become weary in well-doing.” (Galatians 6:9), but rather continued to spend countless hours in prayer and sought to meet the needs of the poor.  Through her tireless example, Augustine finally turned from his ways and began following Christ as a true believer.  Monica died six months later with the satisfaction of knowing that not only did Augustine accept Christ as His personal Savior but also her husband, on his death bed, had also made a profession of faith in Christ.

Augustine was an early Christian theologian and philosopher and is a well-known church father with writings entitled City of God and Confessions. All that we know about Monica is due to Augustine’s extensive writing about his mother.  “He rose up and called her blessed.”  Even though Monica’s husband was an unbeliever for his entire life, he still had great respect for his wife.  Monica chose to  live by I Peter 3:1, 2 “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”  Since she chose to live her life this way Patricius and Augustine “called her blessed and praised her.”

Living every day as the virtuous woman is not easy nor is it for the faint of heart.  It takes discipline and a huge dose of self-denial.  As humans in this day and age we have become such a self-centered society that to deny ourselves anything, especially something we feel we need, is a difficult pill to swallow.  This self-centeredness has hit the church just as much as it has hit the rest of society.

As always there is a certain measure of balance that needs to take place. The wife should not abdicate her responsibilities to her husband or children because she is sleeping in, getting her hair and nails done, going shopping, or to card club. She should make sure the needs of her family are anticipated and cared for.  We are examples to our children, and the kind of wife and mother we are will surely be exemplified in our daughters and possibly the kind of wives our sons will choose.  What kind of mom do we want for our grandchildren?

The words rise up means to confirm.  In rising up and praising their mom, the children are confirming that their mom is providing the care and direction they need in life. Calling her blessed means to be straight, lead, or guide.  Another way we could look at this phrase is “Her children confirm that their mom is leading and guiding them in a straight path.”  What a compliment that is to the virtuous mother.  Not only do her children walk the straight path, but they also confirm that their mom has not only lived this path, but also taught them how to follow this path.

Her husband praises which means to celebrates or commend his wife.  Another great compliment is to have our husbands celebrate us.  Monica had no greater joy on her death bed knowing her husband and son were following Christ.  Her influence had a large impact on them not because she verbally preached at them every day, but because she lived out the Bible in front of them every day.  They saw her strengths and weaknesses, her good days and bad and yet she was a shining testimony to them.  May we all shine into the lives of our families by not just what we say, but also by what we do.

Questions:

1. Is it easy to deny yourself?

2. Read Philippians 2:1-4. How do these verses apply to denying ourselves?

3. Read Proverbs 11:6. Describe in practical terms in your own life how this verse applies.

4. Read Proverbs 12:4. Compare the two contrasting thoughts in this verse by giving practical examples.

5. How does Exodus 20:5, 6 apply to this verse? Have you seen your own negative qualities manifest themselves in your children?  Have you seen positive qualities in your children?

Attention to Detail

“She looks well to the way of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.”

Proverbs 31:27

Attention to detail.  One Sunday Steve Jobs called Vic Gundotra, the man behind    Google +.  Vic was at church and did not answer his phone.  He called Steve back immediately knowing a phone call on a Sunday from Steve was an urgent matter.  Steve told Vic that the reason for his call was that he did not like the shade of yellow in the second “O” on the Google page.  This may seem unimportant to us, but the fact that the man who raised Apple to its status as the world premier technology company means it must be important to pay attention to details, even the shade of a yellow “O” on a Sunday.

Attention to detail.  Our virtuous woman looks well.  This word has many nuances.  It means to lean forward, peer into the distance, observe, espy, or a watchman.  Espy means to see or notice something.  There is no time to be idle if we are paying attention to the details of our families.  There are six different areas that we as Moms and woman should focus on. I mention our children in each of these, but our husbands need the same kind of attention in their lives so we can also meet their needs. This would be another lesson – looking to the needs of our husbands.  The point of this lesson is we must pay attention to the details in the lives of those we love.

1. Attention to detail. Our children and those around us need constant spiritual training and teaching.  As we are preparing our children for life, we must be observant to the spiritual needs they have and teach to those needs.  “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”  (Deuteronomy 6:7).  Each of our children has different spiritual needs and battles.  As we observe their behavior, we must have open lines of communication with them so we can provide teaching and training to correct a behavior.  If we do not closely observe their hearts and their actions, they will have character flaws that are easily trained out of them at an early age, but more difficult the older they get.  Since Delaney was my baby I had a tendency to spoil her.  Ask my other two daughters and they will readily agree.  I began to notice things in her character that would not serve her well in the days to come.  Spiritual teaching and training have taken place since then.  In order to notice these flaws in our children we must be paying close attention to the details in their character in order to teach Scriptural truths that are applicable to their lives.

2. Attention to detail. Physical needs are also extremely important.  They need food, clothes, and shelter, and also attention to their health.  It is our job to provide for their food needs and be sure that when they are hungry we have meals and appropriate snacks for them.  As the mother of daughters, attention to dress is challenging.  If I do not approve of an outfit I will not buy it or allow any of my daughters to buy it.  If they have bought something that I do not approve of when they are not with me, I will buy them something else to replace the item so they understand how important modesty is in our dress.

3. Attention to detail. I also try to provide an atmosphere in our home that is conducive for life.  Home needs to be a safe place.  So attention to this is also important.  What do they need in order to feel safe and secure in our home.  In relation to their health, if they seem to be getting worn down or beginning to get sick, I help them adjust their schedule so they can get extra rest and whatever else they may need to prevent illness.

4. Attention to detail. Emotional needs vary from day-to-day.  The more in tune to our children we are, the better we will do at anticipating the emotional needs they may have.  Some days they may need more words of encouragement than normal.  I must come up with creative ways to provide them this support.  Other days, they need to pull themselves up by their boot straps and overcome the emotional battle they are dealing with.  If I am not paying attention to these details and the needs in their lives I will miss a valuable opportunity to teach, train, or provide encouragement.  Sometimes we must get over ourselves and our needs to better assist our children in theirs.  The investment and sacrifice is always worth it.

5. Attention to detail. There are also mental needs as they learn various things in school.  We must be students of our children and understand our child’s learning style in order to help them learn what they need for life.

6. Attention to detail. There is no time for idleness and laziness if we are “looking well to the ways of our household.”  Someone always has a need and we must be instrumental in meeting that need, even if it is teaching our children how to meet their own needs and praying them through the process.  We must also be examples in this arena.  Children must learn how to cope with various situations that come up.  By paying attention to our own lives, we can then teach our children how we cope.  We must be purposeful and prayerful in our attention to detail.

Questions:

1. What must you do in order to pay attention to the details in your family’s life?

2. Sometimes we get so caught up in meeting our own needs, we cannot even meet the needs of others. Read Matthew 10:8 and Acts 20:35.  What conclusion should we draw here?

3. Read Philippians 2:3-8. Where should we get this selfless attitude?

4. If we are always “looking out for the interests of others,” should we not ever take time for ourselves? Think of some Biblical examples that demonstrate how important our own well-being is.

Apples of Gold

“She opens her mouth with wisdom,

And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

Proverbs 31:26

We have all conversed with different types of people who exhibit various styles of communication.  Some we enjoy listening and talking with and others we cannot wait to end.  There are many reasons we enjoy sharing and talking with some people and not with others.  Some people only talk about themselves or their children and their accomplishments.  They like to show off their status or maybe they frequently drop names of people they have been with to help boost their self-image.  At the other end of the spectrum are those people who are good listeners.  They ask questions about how we are doing and what is going on in our lives.  We can tell they are truly listening because they ask appropriate questions based on what we are telling them.  We could identify people that fit into both of these categories.

Our virtuous woman is a good listener and when she speaks, it is a “word fitly spoken like apples of gold in a setting of silver. “ (Proverbs. 25:1).  “She opens” in Hebrew has a fascinating meaning.  It means to plough or engrave.  A farmer ploughs his field preparing it for planting.  The better the farmer does at ploughing and preparing the better his production of crops.  A woman with her words can prepare the heart and soul of her listener with words of wisdom and kindness.  Ploughing turns the soil over loosening and exposing different parts of it.  When we as women interact with different people, the words we say can loosen hearts and minds and cause a sensitivity to God and His word that would not have happened if the words had been harsh, quarrelsome, or fretful.  A woman with her words may not always say things that are positive, but she knows how to be constructive and speak a word at the appropriate moment that will sit well with the listener.

The other meaning of the word open is to engrave.  Engraving is a permanent etching into something that is extremely difficult to remove.  Our words are engraved on the hearts and minds of those who listen.  We can all remember one word or phrase that someone has said to us that was hurtful and unkind.  It resonated through our soul and came back to our minds over and over causing repeat pain.  Before we speak, we must carefully consider our words.

If we choose to speak a word of criticism we must have carefully cultivated the field by investing into the relationship with our time, prayers, and frequent kind and encouraging words.  When this is done the field will be ready for the word of criticism, but it will be a “word fitly spoken.” (Proverbs 25:1).  We must also be careful not to speak kind words that are not true or disingenuous.  We can see through these words and they can also cause pain.

We must carefully consider our words, not only what is said, but also when it is said and the tone of voice it is said with.  What we say is engraved on the heart of our listeners and no matter how many kind words are said they may never erase the unkind or hurtful words.  As a listener we need to be wise and discerning in what we hear and not disregard every word that is spoken to us.  Was the word, though seeming unkind, said in a humble and loving way?  “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17) or “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” (Proverbs 27:6)

Below is a comparison between words the virtuous woman says and those that the foolish woman says.  Carefully consider your words as you read this comparison.

Virtuous woman’s speech	Foolish woman’s speech
Builds her house (Prov. 14:1)	Tears her house down (Prov. 14:1)
Wise words wins favor (Ecc. 10:12-14)	Foolish words consume, are evil madness, and are many (Ecc. 10:12-14)
Considers and holds back words (Prov. 29:11)	Foolish give full vent (Prov. 29:11)
Wise words bring healing (Prov. 12:18)	Rash words are like sword thrusts (Prov. 12:18)
Know what is acceptable (Prov. 10:32)	Perverse (Prov. 10:32)
Spread knowledge (Prov. 15:7)	Loud, seductive, & knows nothing (Prov. 9:13)
Precious jewel (Prov. 20:15)	Quarrelsome and fretful (Prov. 19:13; 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15,16)
Gracious, seasoned with salt (Col 4:6)	Idlers, busybodies, gossips (II Tim. 5:13)
Quick to listen & slow to speak (James 1:19)	Evil (Prov. 15:28)
Restrains words (Prov. 17:27)
Ponders answer (Prov. 15:28)
Appropriate words at appropriate times (Prov. 15:23)

Consider one last verse.

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul, and health to the body.”

(Proverbs 16:24)

Questions:

1. Are you working harder at preparing the soil or planting the seed with your words and actions?

2. “The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply” (Unknown).  How does this quote resonate with you?

3. How does Proverbs 15:1 fit with our discussion in this lesson?

Do You Laugh?

“Strength and dignity are her clothing,

And she laughs at the time to come.”

Proverbs 31:25

There are many different kinds of women with many different kinds of ideas on what an ideal woman would look like.  Some women think the ideal woman is one with the nicest figure, expensive clothes, and nicely manicured nails.  This woman’s priority is her outward appearance.  Others, according to Cindi Lauper, “just wanna have fun.”  Still others are hardworking and want to be able to compete in a man’s world putting in 60 hours each week so they can climb the corporate ladder.  Others want to climb the social ladder and will do what it takes to accomplish this.  Still others are stay-at-home moms.  I believe each of these woman would say they have one common trait, strength.  Their definition of strength may be different, but in their sphere of influence they desire strength.

Strength in the original Hebrew can be defined as boldness, might, or power.  Figuratively, the virtuous woman wears her strength.  It does not say here that she puts it on, or she struggles with acquiring strength.  Strength is integral to her character.  She cannot be separated from her strength.  It is who she is.  This strength is not just physical strength which she certainly possesses, “She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.” (v. 17).  This strength is an internal power that comes through living and learning and leaning on God when difficult situations arise.  She does not run and hide when life gets difficult.  With God at her side she faces challenges head on and then uses these situations as stepping stones in the character of her life.  She does not view these difficult situations as God and the world being against her.  She takes them in stride knowing they will strengthen her character.

Dignity and honor also characterize the virtuous woman.  As women, one of the major struggles we deal with is verbalizing thoughts that should have never even come into our heads.  Proverbs 15:2 says “The tongue of the wise uses knowledge aright:  but the mouth of fools pours out foolishness.”  Or Proverbs 20:15 b says “The lips of knowledge are a precious jewel.”  Many times my prayer to the Lord is Psalm 19:14, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”  Our dignity can quickly be squashed with inappropriate words that show the true quality of our heart.  The virtuous woman does not get up each day and put dignity and honor on like a dress.  She is known by it at all times in her life.

This strength, honor, and dignity that characterize the virtuous woman provide a solid foundation in her life that will not cause her to hide from her lifestyle or choices she has made in the past.  “She laughs at the time to come.”  In other words, she is not worried about the future because she consistently makes wise decisions that cause her no regrets. As ladies, we must strive to be diligent, say kind words, be encouraging, be pure in our relationships with both men and women, look for ways to be gracious to all, and give to those in need.  No one ever regretted a good deed, but many have regretted an ill-spoken word or a hurtful or disgraceful action.  Each day we should focus on living life with no regrets so we can laugh at the time to come.

Questions:

1. What type of strength do you have? Mental strength?  Physical strength?  Spiritual strength?  How did you obtain your particular strength?

2. As you evaluate the last question, you must realize that any strength we have comes through challenges. We become mentally stronger through learning.  Physical strength comes through physical exercise or physical labor.  Spiritual strength comes through the discipline needed to walk with God every day no matter the hardships of life.  When any of these challenges meets you what do you do?  Run or meet it head on?

3. Is your tongue a major test of your strength? Do you struggle with letting your words be pleasing in God’s sight?

4. Read Mark 12:34 and Luke 6:45. Where do the kind words or the caustic words come from?

5. How do we either change or maintain our words to be pleasing to those who hear and to God who judges? Let’s look at it in steps or stages.  Record what each verse says or how it applies to our initial question:

1. Romans 10:9

1. Proverbs 4:23-27

1. Philippians 4:8, 9

1. Luke 6:45

6. As you can see, what we need is a pure heart. The springs of life flow from our hearts.  In order to laugh at the days to come we must be connected consistently to the well-spring of life – Jesus.  We must seek Him with all our strength and love Him with our whole being.  In doing this, we will gush forth with strength.  Seek God with your whole heart and let Him melt away the pain or bitterness you hold onto.  In doing this your strength will be renewed, and your words will be a flood of refreshing spring water. (Isaiah 40:31).

Cottage Industry

“She makes linen garments and sells them;

She delivers sashes to the merchants.”

Proverbs 31:24

It all starts with an idea about something we are familiar with.  Susan Walvius and Michelle Marciniak were women’s basketball coaches when they stumbled on the idea of making bed sheets from the same material athletic wear is made. Walvius stated she liked the feel of her comfortable running shorts and thought that the fabric would make excellent bed sheets. Marciniak agreed and their business SHEEX offering performance bedding was born.  It is now a multi-million dollar business and it all started from the comfort of a pair of shorts.

Another fascinating idea is Angie’s list.  Angie Hicks got the idea when business partner Bill Oesterle, her mentor from her time as a college intern at a venture capital firm, had trouble finding a contractor for his home. The pair figured there should be a better way for consumers to share information. They went on to found Angie’s List in 1995.  Today the company covers more than 200 markets and has roughly 750,000 members. The business has received more than $50 million in investment capital from several sources, and it was named to the Inc. 500.

These companies and many others started out with an idea a woman had and it turned into an extremely lucrative venture.  This is what our virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 has done.  She has taken what she knows and is familiar with and turned it into a source of extra income for her family.

As we have seen in previous verses, the virtuous woman takes great care to buy flax (v. 13) and make fine clothing for her family and herself (v. 19, 21, & 22).  She then takes this fine material that she has made and uses it to turn a profit.  She may set up a booth at the local market and sell the linen garments that she has made, and she also sells her sashes to merchants so they can also sell her wares.  The word merchants is also translated several times in the Old Testament as Canaanites.  These men would travel around so not only was her merchandise sold locally, but it was also distributed in far off lands.

We must take notice that this comes toward the end of the chapter helping us to see that her priority was her family.  She made sure her family’s needs were taken care of before she sold her goods to those outside the home.  Her first priority was her family and then as she had time she sold the extra she made to the merchants.

As we read this description of this virtuous woman it is easy to be overwhelmed with all that she manages to do, and think, “of course, ‘she rises early’ (v. 15) and her lamp does not go out at night’ (v. 18),  she has so many responsibilities and irons in the fire there is no time for sleep.”  Or we may think “she has servants to help her get things accomplished and be so productive, but servants today are not common among the average middle class.”  We have many modern day conveniences these days that she did not have: dishwasher, washing machine, dryer, vacuum, oven, stove, refrigerator, etc.  Yet why do we feel as if we could never accomplish all this?  It seems the spirit in many Americans these days is a spirit of entitlement to entertainment and down time. Maybe we need to reprioritize our thinking, and lose the sense of entitlement many of us have.  Rather than sit and watch the latest TV program we should sit with a pad of paper and a pen and brainstorm small business ideas that can take what we are familiar and good at and turn it into a way to make money.  We cannot succeed at anything if at first we don’t try.

Questions:

1. Is having a small cottage business something you are even interested in?

2. Do you have a small business idea? If so, what is it?

3. There are not many entrepreneurial stories in the Bible in regards to women. Read Acts 9:36-43 and record the details of this story.

4. The Proverbs 31 woman and Tabitha/Dorcas in Acts 9:36-43 both have the same entrepreneurial idea. What business venture where they both involved and why would this be what they were involved in?

5. Who went to get Peter in Acts 9:38?

6. Who was standing beside Dorcas when Peter arrived? (Acts 9:39)

7. Who did Peter call once Dorcas was raised to life? (Acts 9:41)

8. What was the result in Acts 9:42? Do you think this was in part to Dorcas’s reputation?

9. How does James 1:27 relate to Dorcas?