For the last 21 years, my life has been devoted to being a Mom and homeschooling our daughters. I have spent countless hours devoted to these three beautiful young ladies. Last week, though, I began to get a feeling of purposelessness. What would I do without them here to care for? All three are attending Cedarville University this year.
I have lots of things that I like to do. I have lots of things that I need to do. I could probably fill a 24 hour day with 36 hours of work, but I don’t want to just be busy. I don’t want to just get through my days until my girls come home for a break or sit by the phone waiting for them to call.
We moved 2 years ago and I began trying to prepare myself for this moment in time then. I started thinking about the things that I love and trying to discern what I could do as a career that would also allow me flexibility.
I want to have time for people. I like discipleship. I love teaching God’s Word. I love studying God’s Word. I love walking beside others through the challenges of life. I love ministry. I want to use my nursing skills and education to go on mission/service trips. I love being a Mom, and I would love the opportunity to help others be better Moms and learn from my experiences.
So how do I roll this all up into a neat little package and make it my purpose and also figure out a way to generate an income? That is the challenge for me that I have not figured out. I got my real estate license last year, since my dad is a builder I have a love of houses. I love meeting new people and helping them find a house they can make memories with their family. This offers me the flexibility that I long for.
But I still feel purposeless.
Being a nurse and a Mom have helped me to realize how much I value caring for others.
I don’t have any answers just searching and praying and leaning into God for the direction He desires for me. He created me with a purpose and He wants me to find it. He also wants me to trust Him for this purpose. It is not called faith because we can see; it is called faith because all we can see is a loving God who wants us to trust Him.
The Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. They were fed every day for 40 years with bread and quail from the hand of God. They could do nothing but have faith. Faith that the manna would be there in the morning. Faith that the quail would be there in the evening.
I must have faith. I know that my life is not purposeless, and God does have a plan for my days.
Through the process of writing these words God has washed over me His love, His peace, and His comfort. There is nothing like the flood of God’s presence in my heart.
Rather now than feeling purposeless, I sit in eager anticipation of what God has for me. If you are reading these words you have also witnessed what God can do when we verbalize our faith in Him and know that He will direct.
God wants me “to walk by faith and not by sight” (II Corinthians 5:7). Remembering that as much as I want control, God is ultimately in control.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4